I Found Me (Part 2)

Today, I was going to revise my essay but I finished this draft instead. HAHAHA. Writing a story/experience always helps reduce my stress. Thanks, Blog!

This post is the second part of the lessons I learned from my breakup journey. Part 1 can be found here: I Found Me.

Lesson 5: Be vulnerable, be who we are

One day, something bad happened to me, then I cried. I told my ex about it, and he was a bit surprised that I cried. "I thought you were a strong person. You are a member of Mapala (hiking club), you are supposed to be strong." Honestly, I was surprised by his response. I found it hard to explain to him at that time (that I was a sensitive type of person). Also, I admitted my communication was poor back then. I chose not to make it complicated, so I just went silent. But the implication is that I stopped showing my true feelings to him because I simply didn't want to be judged. It was an uncomfortable feeling because, in front of the person I trusted the most, I couldn't be vulnerable, I couldn't be who I am.

A similar story happened again. As a person whose physical body was fit, some friends of mine once thought my mental capacity was as strong as my muscular look. Well, it's not true. Through time, I realized I'm an emotional type of person and might easily cry if something bad happens. I'm just an ordinary human like others.

It's a long process for me to draw a lesson from this experience. Being vulnerable can be a boomerang if we don't meet the right person. Otherwise, we tend to show our strong face no matter how difficult the situation is or how painful we are. But someday, I believe there will be someone who will accept us the way we are, both our shine and our flaws. We can be everything in front of him/her without any fear of being judged.

Lesson 6: Be happy for others

My ex and I signed up for a trail running race back then. I participated in the 42 km category. He was in 100 km. When I touched the finish line, I saw him in the race center already, failing to finish his. After that, some friends congratulated me, but his face got plain. I know he might be pissed because of his result. And to be honest, I didn't know what to do at that moment. First, I was afraid any words I said would hurt. Second, I was so happy to finish the race, but my ex was not in a good mood, so it felt like I couldn't celebrate my achievement. But I also understood that he might need more time and space. The unhappy mood continued until our way back home, and it was a bit strange for me.

After that, I try to put myself in someone else's shoes in every situation, good or bad. Understanding one's perspective is necessary. But being happy about one's achievements is also important to show our support.

Lesson 7: Do not take it for granted

As time goes by, we might tend to take our partner for granted. For example, let's say you live a bit far away from your partner. Your partner has a motorcycle for his daily mobility, and when you go on a date, he doesn't matter to pick you up, even if it's far. If you get used to it, you might fall into your comfort zone and consider that behavior as something he must do as a partner. Meanwhile, it's not his job, right? Sometimes he might feel tired because of the distance, he feels a bit off to pick you up, or some days are just shitty for him. Thus, it will be better if we can discuss it with our partner (even for small matters), or at least—if he is okay to always pick up—show our thankfulness to him. It's important to not take things for granted and to express our gratitude (this also applies to anyone we meet). From this experience, I learned to be more aware of perceiving my partner as a regular human being, just like I do to my friends, family, etc.

Lesson 8: Needs over wants

I always found this one funny every time I remember it. When my relationship ended, I was always thinking that I won't meet a man like him again. He's the man that I really want in my life (has a fit body, the same hobby as me). He's perfect. Long story short, after my worst breakup, I met someone else who I never thought I could get along with, really, really well. He listened attentively to every single thing I said, he was my one call away every time I needed some help, and the way he responded to me at my worst was just perfect. Like, "Hah? Ada toh orang kaya gini?” During all the time I spent with him, I just realized he had a quality that I was looking for in a partner. He's probably not someone that I want, but he's all that I need (at that time), and it felt so much better (well, if you could have both, congrats, you are lucky). Ya, I found it funny. When thing looks impossible, "Pasti ga bakal nemu yang kaya gini lagi deh." The universe is like saying, "Hey, easy. You might not get what you want, but you will get what you exactly need (even though you don't realize it most of the time)." So, chill.

How about you? What do you learn from your heartbreak?